Reflections of us
by Myweakest-link
Summary: Clexa angst, set after 3x02.


**After watching the latest episode of the 100 I was inspired to write a little Clarke/Lexa fic. Set after the end of 3X02 - Canon.**

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I stared angrily at the untouched bowl of food in front on me. The fork sticking out of it was silver and was reflecting what was left of the afternoon sun flooding in through the small window. I wondered for the hundredth time if it would be sharp enough to pierce the skin of the giant who was guarding my room. I felt my stomach twist painfully in hunger and I cursed the fact that I hadn't eaten in days, but there was no way I was going to eat that food… _her_ food. In anger I kicked out and knocked the bowl and its contents across the stone floor.

"Watch it" The giant like man spoke from his post by the door, his voice echoing off the cold walls. I didn't look at him, just continued to focus my attention on the fork, daydreaming about plunging it through his thick skin. My hands were still tied together though, and I knew I would never be able to get the angle right with my hands bound like this. The tight bindings had been replaced with a softer material which was a welcome relief to the deep cuts in my wrists where the rope had worn the skin away, but the relief angered me even more.

How dare she show me mercy. She'd had her chance for mercy.

"The commander says you need to eat"

"The commander can go to hell" I spoke through gritted teeth, there was no way I was giving her what she wanted.

"Watch your tongue" for such a big man he could move fast, he grabbed me by the material of my clothes and pulled me off my feet. "If things were different I would snap your bones in half little girl" he growled, bits of spit landed on my face and I remembered the way I had greeted _her_ a few days earlier.

I didn't flinch. there was nothing to scare me anymore, just anger.

"Sloan, put her down" The smooth voice from behind me made my muscles clench tighter.

"Yes commander" the giant muttered reluctantly, releasing me hard so my feet slammed into the floor. _I refuse to show her my pain._

"Leave us" her voice was calm like it always was and I felt the blood rushing around my body, hot and heavy as I took a steadying breath. I sensed the giant was reluctant to leave but she must have been convincing.

My eyes found the fork through the mess on the floor and I felt myself shake as I pictured the new target who was standing behind me, _smaller, softer… I could do it._

I heard the heavy footsteps of the tall man as he left the room which had become my prison. I knew she was behind me but I hadn't turned to face her, I couldn't hear her breathe over my own heavy breathing but I knew she was watching me. The thought of her eyes on me made my skin crawl.

"You need to eat Clarke" _How dare she say my name._

The hairs on the back of my neck stood up as I followed the sound of her footsteps. She was in front of me now but I focused my attention on the hard stone wall instead of on her.

"I'm worried about you" My head darted upwards at her words, the concerned tone adding fuel to the fire that was already burning inside of me.

"How dare you!" I spat, not literally this time, as I met her gaze. Her eyes seemed darker than normal as she stared unflinching back at me. She wasn't wearing her war paint and her skin seemed somewhat paler in the light of the darkening room.

"Clarke…" She began, that same infuriating calmness in her tone.

"Don't you dare say my name" I felt as if I was burning inside. She had lost the right to everything the moment she betrayed us. _The moment she betrayed me._ If it wasn't for her the innocent people in the mountain may still be alive. If it wasn't for her I may not hate myself every single second of the day.

"I understand that I disappointed you, but I want to try and make things right"

"Dissapointed me!" I was angry as I tried to free my hands from the home made hand cuffs. "You didn't _disappoint_ me Lexa" I flinched a little as her name left my mouth. "You _betrayed_ me. You left us when we needed you most" I was shouting now and It was taking all my energy not to spit in her face again. "Those people that died that day, their blood is on your hands"

She seemed to be grinding her teeth a little as she took in my words, her posture still infuriatingly calm.

"I did what I had to do, just like you did" Her words were too much and I twisted my hands in anger again, feeling the material give way slightly. "Those people were the enemy, you should try and let it go"

 _Let it go._ She was heartless, I couldn't believe I had been so blind to think otherwise at one time. She didn't care about innocent lives, she didn't care about my friends, she didn't care about me… she only cared about herself.

The image of plunging the blunt fork into her neck clouded my vision. I had always thought _Wanheda_ was ridiculous, that I was no more the commander of death than I was a coward… but right now I was Wanheda, every inch of my body was aching with anger and killing her was all I could do.

"You disgust me" my voice was low and animalistic before I broke eye contact and dived for the makeshift weapon on the floor. She barely had time to react before I had her pressed against the hard rock, the surprisingly heavy piece of cutlery pressed against her throat. The prongs were blunt but I knew if I pressed hard enough she would bleed out in minutes. My fingernails were almost drawing blood where I was holding her pressed against the wall as hard as I could with my hands still tied.

I wanted to see her scared. I wanted to see her beg me not to kill her, I wanted some sort of reaction… but she was just breathing calmly as her eyes stared at mine.

"Are you going to kill me Clarke?" her breath hit my face and I had to remind myself to grip on tighter to my weapon. I didn't respond I just let all the hatred I felt inside of me out in the look I returned to her. She didn't look scared and her question seemed more like a formality than an actual concern.

"Are you not going to shout for help" I was surprised that my voice was shaky, I had imagined this moment so many times since the night at the mountain but now she was in my control and I had her life in my hands my memory of that night was hazy. All that was clear was her breathing and the feel of her skin on my shaking hands. The last time I had been this close to her my lips had been moving with hers. _She had betrayed me._

One hard push and her blood would flow out of her fast, one stab and I would have what I had wanted the last three days I had been locked up here.

She would die.

"I think the reason you're so angry is because you have finally realised deep down you're no different than me" She said breathlessly as my grip on her tightened. _I was nothing like her._ I thought angrily. I never betrayed anyone… I just did what I had to do to save my friends.

I just did what I had to do to save my people. I felt sick.

My hand shook as I dropped the fork and heard it tumble to the floor. "I hate you" I breathed out as my face was inches away from hers. She didn't reply, just reached up to touch my hand that i had forgot was still holding her to the wall.

"Clarke…" she was interrupted by the voice of the man she had called Sloan.

"Commander, is everything alright?" as his voice echoed around the room I pulled myself away, facing the corner and using every ounce of my energy to keep the tears that were threatening to surface away.

"Everything's fine Sloan" I detected that her voice was a little less calm now.

"Indra wishes to speak with you" his gruff voice sounded again. It was a moment before I heard her footsteps move towards the door.

"Unbind her" She said firmly to Sloan.

"But commander, she's crazy"

"I _said_ unbind her, and I will be sending another bowl of food down. Make sure she doesn't knock this one over"

I heard him grunt in compliance and then she was gone. I let a long unsteady breath out as I listened to her footsteps disappear.

As the giant used his knife to cut open the material binding me I suddenly felt numb. Maybe I couldn't hate Lexa forever, maybe the only person left to hate was myself.

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 **Thanks for reading, let me know if you would like me to write more Clexa**


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